I think I love this woman in a purely professional way.

12 06 2012

She’s Trying to Save Video Games

Ms. Anita Sarkeesian, please do not take this in the wrong way, but – and I mean this sincerely – you are Super Awesome. Make no mistake, this “love” thing I mention in the title is by no means legally binding, nor does it incur nor imply any level of responsibility or even camaraderie between your “party” and my “party”. If I were to throw a party I would not invite you to it…not due to disinterest but because I don’t know you. (Inviting you would be weird.) However, it would be totally cool for you to crash my party and give a lecture on whatever the hell you want to talk about.

As of this morning she’s made $10k more from her Kickstarter campaign; in another few days I fully expect her funding to be AAA-level; green-screening herself into Matrix-style battles against those that would slight her further will be within her grasp. At the very least, I expect we’ll see the videos she’s promising and that their quality will be acceptable. May I state, for the record, that I would definitely enjoy watching misogynist chumps getting kung-fu’d through dusty brick walls.

Regarding the Flak She’s Catching

I honestly cannot comprehend the sheer amount of hate she’s catching for speaking her mind. Some guys out there are so enraged at the thought of losing their future of licensed digital boobies that they need to edit her Wikipedia entry or send her hate-mail. My hypothesis is that these digital boobies are their only access to boobies at all. If that is the case, then I have a remedy.

Gentlemen: if you are nice to girls – if you treat them with respect, call them back, listen to them at length, and always apologize whether or not you deem it necessary to do so – you will at times form a friendship. Sometimes that friendship will rise to a state where the girl in question will muse to herself, “You know, this guy is a true gentlemen and he’s cute; I’d be cool with him seeing my boobies.” (Note that I totally took liberties in translating that internal monologue in order to reach a wide audience.) I promise you, this result is way better than digital boobies. This should always be your goal, insofar as boobies are concerned.

If you are not concerned with boobies, this message does not apply to you. If you are easily offended by the term “boobies”, this message is not directed at you. Also, becoming a girl’s friend by no means guarantees the aforementioned result. NOT becoming a girl’s friend definitely guarantees NOT getting the aforementioned result. Finally, you may freely change out gender-centric pronouns and requisite parts as you need to in order to make the statement relevant, whatever your nature; this is clearly geared at heterosexual men who are jerks…so it may not apply to you, the reader.

In conclusion.

Tim Minchin tells you exactly where I’m coming from. Listen at least to the first minute and a half before you “wtf” close it.

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